I grew up in a military family that was very Christian. We went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. My parents were the youth leaders at our church so I was very involved with youth conferences and choir and other activities that were centered around God. When I was 14, I was baptized.
The summer before I turned 16, a friend asked me to go to a party with her so I asked my brother to take us. He stayed for a while then left us there. This was the first time I ever drank alcohol. I sat my drink down and told my friend I needed to use the bathroom and she showed me where it was and we laughed and giggled because of course we are drunk. After we got out of the bathroom, I picked my drink up, chugged it and about an hour after I felt weird, and needed to lie down, so I went to an empty room to lay down. After I shut the door, I passed out.
The next thing I know I’m being woke up by three guys standing over me, one begins to touch me and held me down while the other two began taking my clothes off. I fought so hard and I kicked and tried to scream until one of the guys punched me in the face multiple times and knocked me unconscious. When I came to, they were holding me down, raping me over and over again. I started screaming again and the same guy hit me so hard that last time I was completely knocked out. I woke up in the closet, naked and bleeding with bruises all over my body. The dresser was in front of the door and the window was open. I called my brother to come pick me up. When he asked what happened, I just told him I got in a fight and he believed me. We never spoke about that night again.
When I was 18 I was dating a guy that told me he had an STD and that I needed to be checked (I was clean, so he cheated on me). That day when he told me, I knew I had to tell my mom what really happened. I remember walking into work crying and the woman said to me “Why are you crying? It can’t be that bad.” But little did she know that my youth and my virginity were stolen from me.
I suffered from depression for many years before I told my mom. I started to self-harm and developed an eating disorder.
When I was 19 I met my ex fiancé and at the time he was the best thing that ever happened to me but little did I know, he would steal even more from me. In 2011, we moved in with each other and that is when the drug use and the domestic violence started. One night he came home with Crack and I tried it. I wanted more and more and so did he. He used to beat me every single day. He made me call my mom one day and tell her she was the reason I was raped which hurt me to the core because I know she had nothing to do with it.
At this point in my life I was mad at God, I wanted nothing to do with Him. Why would He do this to me? Why me?
The drug use progressed to acid, ecstasy, and shrooms.
In August of 2011 I found out I was pregnant, so I stopped doing the drugs and the drinking. However, my ex did not and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia around this time as well. In March of 2012, I came home from work and he did not have his drugs so an argument started. He pushed me to the floor, hitting me repeatedly in the face and in the stomach with a crowbar. He grabbed a box cutter. That is when I got up, and tried to run. He slashed my arm 8 times. All I was worried about was my sweet baby boy Brantley Ray. I stumbled going out of the front door and fell on the ground and that is when I heard a gunshot. I tried to get up and run again but realized he had shot me in the back and I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital being told that my son did not make it through all the trauma. That day I lost my life, I lost my son, I lost myself, and I had no reason to live.
So the drugs were calling me back. I dabbled with crack here and there; but I eventually got clean.
In August of 2013, I was riding with a boyfriend to go ride four-wheelers when he ran off the road, over corrected and we flipped 5 times. I was thrown from the closed passenger side window and landed in a ditch full of water and mud. When I looked up I saw the truck flipping and it landed on top of me. I walked away from that wreck with broken ribs, a broken arm, and a bruised spine.
God was with me and He was with me through everything else.
October 2014, I met a girl named Audrey. We were friends on the internet so I invited her over for Halloween and that is when she introduced me to heroin. She talked about how amazing it was to be shot up with it…so I tried it. It was off to the races. I needed it every single day, 7 times a day. I shot up almost 2 grams of heroin a day along with crack.
I stole, I lied, and I manipulated people who loved me. My mom said she planned my funeral every day on her way to work. My dad disowned me.
One night I found myself lying on my bathroom floor surrounded by needles, spoons, a razor from a box cutter and a lot of dope. The enemy said kill yourself. So that is what I tried to do. My mom knew what I was doing and she sat outside the bathroom door begging God not to take me while I begged Him to take me.
July 10, 2015 I boarded a plane to Chicago to a faith based treatment center. I returned home October 30, 2015 sober I had almost 2 years clean!!! Longest I have ever been clean before! I was living for the Lord, serving Him, doing tent ministries, revivals, bible studies!
Then I rekindled an old flame. I got pregnant in September of 2016. I miscarried in October 2016. I immediately relapsed with my boyfriend at the time. However, this time no one knew, and I could not stop! I needed help again so I got on Suboxone in January of this year, and I have been clean since and now I am even off Suboxone.
I started serving God again and living a beautiful life of happiness. Then God said okay, you’ve been through enough pain and suffering, here’s a man that’s going to value you and respect you and love you. He sent me the love of my life, who is also in recovery for alcohol.
I have learned that no matter what happens in life; never take your eyes off the Lord. If you have too much pride in your life and in yourself, God will break you to the core to remind you what you have and what He has brought you through!
NEVER EVER GIVE UP❤